Having a Crush Might Be More of a Red Flag Than a Green Light

Let’s dive into a topic that’s a bit unusual for a business and management blog (which mine qualifies as) but worth discussing: feelings and passion. About a year ago, during a conversation with some very smart people, I had a surprising realization:

Having a crush (or falling in love) is often more of a warning than a healthy relationship sign.

And what is love, anyway?

I hadn’t really given it much thought before, but I’ve always assumed that having a crush is somehow linked to love. In Russian, the two concepts even have the same word root. But when I look back at the times I’ve had crushes, an interesting pattern emerges: the stronger my feelings, the more unhealthy the relationship turned out to be.

I think there’s something inherently dramatic about intense feelings and passion. Often, the unresolved traumas in both partners collide, ignited by the intense emotion. For example, a man might reject a woman and be rude, only to apologize later and declare his love. Despite the emotional whiplash, the woman feels an intense rush of happiness and love. This is because their conflicting patterns feed into the drama.

Now, I see infatuation and passion as a signal to pause and take a closer look at what’s really going on in my relationship. Is there something that I’m missing? Are my behaviors — and my partner’s — really healthy?

If I sense that something’s off, I take it into work. And once I dig deeper, I often find much more to explore than I initially thought…